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A long time ago, we had a special bond

A long time ago, we never marked the time

It seemed then there was something warm

Though now it all seems so bittersweet

Cold and harsh it feels, where is the love

Where is the embracing comfort and light

Where is the energy and the pitch dark

I gave myself willingly to you some time ago

I give myself willing to you in current times

Our time was never marked by sand as others

And yet, it seemed that we spent time unfairly

For the cost of such time is strong, it's not enough

That it was spent in pain, but more should come

I only wish, that for once it would be accepted

My love without reservation, without reservations.

I wish it all could be like before without trouble

But it does seem to be improbable

I owe you my life and tragically you don't want my pay

You do wish for it all and it's understandable

Would these be different circumstances

I would also act on my love without reservation

Indeed I must decline the only way you want me

For I do love, and I can fall in love again

With the man that I wont abandon

Is it not enough that I has been in pain

Is it not enough that I will give you part of me

When things have changed so much

And the dark surrounds us like before

I love you, without reservation to feel

Though you throw it back in my face

You used to be caring and compassionate

You used to give and take so fairly

You were too good to be true then

And you are too good for me even now

There would be no price for your saving me

Though I hope to one day make up for the pain

That I had caused the both of us

I am not worthy of your acceptance

I am not worthy of your forgiveness

It is hard to live with your shunning me

But if that is the price I must pay

For the failures I had committed against you

Then perhaps, I shall be condemned

To all eternity without you

If that will ease your pain even a little.

Just know that I will always love you

And I will love you unconditionally

That I will always be grateful

And that you would never be forgotten

That I would always donate to you as a gift

So, I just had a vacuum being thrown at me, and then a tug on my shirt, after I had a demonic nightmare. Now, the vacuum thing is new... meh. but the rest wasn't. Three barriers had been put up by three different people around the place to prevent harm from coming here, the place had been cleansed often, as are the people who come in. I don't have any other ideas, and I am not involving a priest or priestess. I've dealt with demons often, but... still... Ugh...

It appears that I was not accepted into WGU. I am at a loss now for what I wish to do. Perhaps I need to re-evaluate my interests and practicality of the situation. I am not overly thrilled that I am failing at being able to start anything, a chance to fail at what I love. Is there a different calling for me? Either way, I really would like to go back to school. However, what for? Everglades is too expensive though they wanted me, kaplan isn't known to be a good school, I ignored AI my senior year... should I go back to APUS? gah..

So, a few days ago I had a ptsd breakdown so bad that I was huddled in the bathroom behind the door against the wall for what little bit of comfort it gave me. It took two hours to get passed it and to be sure that I wouldn't go into anymore flash backs after I wakened from the whole nightmare. Before that, it was bad. I couldn't move but for my shaking hands, I was hyperventilating, bawling my eyes out, nauseous, and in a lot of pain as my heart palpitations kicked in really bad. Because of this I was going to go to MHMR, a program that helps me get the help I need. *sighs*

Tim and I have gained a girl, a switch persay. In addition, we have our first scene at a play party this friday. I am getting my second attunement for reiki saturday. I started the LAD diet today, also. I am getting an eye exam tomorrow morning, and new glasses since my other pair disappeared. Been seeing more 'lightning' lately so I'll have to be careful.

Working more on my novels at the moment. Working on gifts already and the planning of thanksgiving.

We did celebrate. Not only did we celebrate our anniversary yesterday, but the beginning of an addition to our relationship. I wont elaborate, but it got us to do sushi and apple sake, along with sashimi. The night was wonderful, and will have a good day today.

I guess our anniversary isn't special enough to celebrate... I guess days shouldn't be celebrated anyway, I mean, they are just periods of time like everything else, nothing should make them special enough to get one's hopes up in celebrating anyway. On the other hand, some say every day should be celebrated like your last. So I suppose they are all the same in which i should be grateful the day came for me at all, and that be it. Anyway, i suppose it just doesn't matter anymore.

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Fitzy
21:08 Nov 02 2012

You know my thoughts on that. Ken came home for our anniversary and told me to put on something nice. Took me out to dinner and a movie. You don't necessarily have to celebrate your anniversary but it's the day he fucking married you. It's a day to remember and be happy about.

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Thousandyears
00:41 Nov 03 2012

Here here ^

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Agreeing with the comment from above. It's something special and something nice should have been done.

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Well, today is our second year of marriage... on the second day of Samhain. We are doing nothing today, but we planned on doing something, maybe tomorrow, or sunday. *shrugs* I don't know what yet, he wont discuss it with me, then again, he's busy working on his Discussion board for school.

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BLOODLIFE
17:54 Nov 01 2012

Happy anniversary :-)

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